it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
