I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
being pregnant is like rehab
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
