Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
