Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
