Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
