I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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