I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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