Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
