Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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