the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
