Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
