I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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