i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
