i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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