im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just google imaged poop.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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