just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
