Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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