My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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