So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
