i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize