1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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