You're so nebulous sometimes
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize