it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
