if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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