So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
someone owes me an orgasm
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
