Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
