I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
