Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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