I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
