I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
