I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
