Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
