Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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