Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
