Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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