If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
