After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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