He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
