Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Found the puke drawer
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
