I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
