No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
