woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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