The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
