I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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