Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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