Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize