I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
