I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
