I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
