i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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