Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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