it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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