Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize