Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
