The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it was like eating out sand paper
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize