So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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