I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
