My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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