just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
