her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
