he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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