Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
