Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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