i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
